I think France is trying to kill me. Really.

I’m not talking about a sudden death by having a piano fall on me or being hit by a car. This is a slow process and, probably, deliberate.

You see, I have never been so damn sick in my life than I have been since moving here. Seriously. I mean, as many of you may already know, I don’t have a spleen because I lost it in a sledding accident when I was 16 years old. This, in and of itself, is enough to make me get sick more often- manifesting itself in regular bouts of the flu, bronchitis, and the dreadful pneumonia. So there is already a proclivity for illness.

But since moving to France, the rate at which I have been getting sick has jumped phenomenally. It seems that I am getting seriously ill at least once every two months, and these are illnesses that nearly knock me out commission for upwards of a week.

Of course, there are the arguments for why I am getting sick more often. Our doctor clearly stated that the exposure to new germs and the like can be expected to impair an expat for one to two years after their arrival, but we have been here for two and a half years now and there seems to be no sign of letting up.

Additionally, there is pollution. Lyon is considered to have a lot of air pollution (for France). Nothing near levels in cities like Los Angeles in the USA, or most major metropolises in China, but there is still pollution.

I also think it is this old apartment we live in. It collects a lot more dust that two people can rationally be expected to create in the span of week, so I think it is being funneled in from the outside (probably from that “vent” in the bathroom that seems to push more dust in than ventilating moist air out).

So, all in all, I’ve come to completely sane conclusion that the country of France is intentionally trying to kill me. It is sending dust, debris, and germs my way in hopes that I will either A) get sick of being sick and leave, or B) up and die.

The problem with this hypothesis is that I can think of only a couple of reasons why France would want me dead. The first would be because I am so awesome, and make a lot more sense than France*; the other could be that I make a lot more sense than France*, and that I am so awesome.

My concern, though, is that in about two months we are going to be having a baby, and I can’t keep getting sick like this when I am taking care of a child. What is a person to do?

Either way, I must continue to soldier on. We are here for, at least, another year. And I must do my best to be strong and healthy for the baby.

So I accept your challenge, France! Once again, you shall taste defeat!!!

*seriously- no bug screens on windows, no fans in bathrooms, and dog shit all over the place?!?