Here’s the thing: I love Star Wars, but I really don’t get the whole love for the Fetts. I mean, seriously… what do they do that makes them seem so cool? And, no, I am not going to count anything in the Extended Universe or the Clone Wars series.

In The Empire Strikes Back we first meet Boba Fett. Badass bounty hunter, right? I mean, he looks so cool. But what, exactly, does he do that makes him so nifty? He outsmarts Han Solo by tracking the Millenium Falcon to Bespin. He then stands around while the Imperials do all of the work capturing Han, Leia, Chewie, and C-3PO; proceeds to sound totally awesome by saying, in a raspy whisper, “He’s no good to me dead,” shots his gun once (ONCE) at Luke, and then takes off in the Slave-1 while Lando, Leia, and the others try to enact a rescue.

Really, think about it. He doesn’t do shit.

Flash-forward three years to Return of the Jedi, and we get to see Boba Fett hanging out at Jabba’s palace because, once you’ve captured the galaxy’s most valuable bounty, there is nothing like hanging out at the house of the guy who posted the bounty in the first place, right? Anyhoo… as we all know, our rebels stage a big escape attempt ensues at the sarlacc pit. We (briefly) get to see Boba Fett use his jetpack before, rather quickly, getting his gun chopped in half by Luke’s lightsaber. After which, a semi-blind Han Solo (humorously) accidentally ignites Boba Fett’s jetpack by hitting it with a vibro-ax (because nothing says quality engineering than having a jetpack accidentally go off when hit with a rod), sending Boba Fett flailing through the air into the side of Jabba’s barge. He then falls into the mouth of the sarlacc, whereupon the beast lets out a hilarious burp.

Wow. Boba Fett is, like, soooo cool (not).

Then, we get Jango Fett (and a young Boba) in the prequels or, namely, Attack of the Clones, since this time around Lucas felt that two times the Fett should only go into one film. And suddenly, for some odd reason, the Fett family now sports a Kiwi accent.


In his first major fight scene, we get to see a slightly more competent Jango Fett take on Obi-Wan Kenobi while Boba sits in the cockpit of Slave-1 generally making an ass out of himself. Jango holds his own well enough against a Jedi, using all sorts of tricks including the giant missile on his backpack.

Later we see Jango lead Obi-Wan on a thrilling dogfight through an asteroid field (looks those 3,720 to 1 odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are actually pretty damn good). Boba Fett chuckles like a chucklehead, almost totally negating any coolness that he may have had from the original trilogy.

Then we have the big fight scene in the Geonosian arena. Jango gets the drop on another Jedi. This time it is Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson in his best role since National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1) and Jango sets his cloak on fire. That’s right. Fire.

Against a Jedi.

I mean, if you get the drop on a Jedi, don’t try to burn him!

Because here’s the thing- you gotta finish the job, or else you’ll just piss off Samuel L. Jackson.

But, no Jango doesn’t finish the job because Samuel L. Windu hightails it out of there by doing this ginormous leap into the arena. The whole battle kind of gets sidetracked with clones coming in and Yoda talking to the left of normal grammar, but Mace L. Jackson remembers. Oh yes, he does. And finally it gets back to these two.

Jango and Mace Windu charge at each other. Mace Windu is easily deflecting Jango’s blaster bolts WHILE charging at him which, when you think about it, might make it a good time to vacate the premises. But, no, Jango keeps coming at Mace Windu and…

…Mace Windu cuts his damn head off.

The end.

So when you look at the sum of what the Fett family actually does, it ain’t really much. But I personally know people who have Fett-related tattoos. From actual images of Boba Fett, to the Slave-1, to the Mandalorian symbol- a mythosaur skull.

I don’t know… they seem fairly overrated to me.